Blog & Pastor Letters

In the South, the use of “Yes, Sir,” “Yes, Ma’am,” and “Thank you,” have been drilled into many a little person’s brain. Unfortunately, as time goes by, those social conventions seem to be in danger, even in the very places that have held them sacred for so long. In fact, I have found that I sometimes will even get a strange look when I utter similar words to a stranger or passer-by. It seems manners are being traded for acceptance of ill-conceived tolerance, even tolerance of the ill-mannered.

During a conversation about good stewardship of money and time, my daughter shared that sometimes doing the best thing was so hard for her to do. It wasn’t always a matter of right and wrong, black and white, but a matter of better and best. I began to reflect on the truth of her statement. When confronted with a decision, we can sometimes be given a choice of good, better, and best. We fool ourselves into believing that the good choice is not a bad one, so it must be enough. However, we have essentially placed a limit on our generosity or commitment with our false sense of good stewardship.

What does a homeless person need? That may seem like an odd question since being homeless would indicate they certainly need a home. Beyond that though, what does a homeless person need? Most would guess the person needs food, money, clothing, medical care, and toiletries. Many parishes put together drives for those items. Is that all the person needs? It is easy to get caught up in all the things that easily come to mind so that we miss a key thing needed by someone homeless as well as all human beings: to be seen.

Most people don’t intend on being selfish. The reality of selfishness usually lies in the grey shades of our decision-making. We would never go out of our way to kick a homeless person begging by the highway exit. We would never steal money from our parish collection plate.

But would we drive past the homeless person without even extending a thought or a prayer toward his need? Would we justify stinginess in time, talent, and treasure because of our own comfort? We all have been guilty of transgressions such as these in the past. We will fall again in the future.

One of my favorite movies is the 1991 comedy What About Bob? Bill Murray plays a troubled, paranoid hypochondriac named Bob Wiley who innocently but annoyingly hounds Dr. Leo Marvin, played by Richard Dreyfuss. Bob is paralyzed by his fear of, well, everything, and is convinced the psychologist can heal him. But Dr. Marvin’s failed attempts to heal Bob end up driving the doctor to attempt to murder Bob. He fails. The surprise is that, having faced death head on, Bob is suddenly healed. He attributes his healing to Dr Marvin for breakthrough “death therapy.” In facing the cause of his deepest illness and dysfunction, Bob is healed.

“It’s not that I want you to do it. It’s that I want you to want to do it.”

If you’re married or in a relationship, your partner has probably either said something like this to you or you have said it to them. If one of you hasn’t said it, you have probably wanted to, and it’s likely that a big argument or two was had where you dance around the sentiment, these exact words flashing in your mind like an old-time movie marquee.